Too Late
by PiscesChikk
Summary: What if John doesn't make it there in time? A near death experience for Detective Carter leaves Reese devastated and he's forced to come face to face with his true feelings for her. He struggles with his past and whether or not he's ready to open his heart to experience love again and a new life with a friend who's come to mean so much more to him.
1. Chapter 1

A/N Musings and a conversation with a fellow POI fan about the season 2 finale brought about this (longer than 100 words) drabble. Its a John and Carter 'what if' situation. I do not own Person of Interest or its characters.

Two shots rang out in the air.

He was too late.

His heart was pounding, fast, hard. Or was that the sound of his feet on the gravel underneath them?

He was too late.

His mind was racing, his gun drawn as he crossed the street and he fired after a car after he saw two armed men get in. Bullets flew against the vehicle, one of them eventually piercing the rear glass. But it was too late; they were speeding away, disappearing into the night.

The pounding was there again, this time he was sure it was his heart.

He walked slowly into the alley way, gun drawn and he heard the faint gasping for breath. His eyes adjusted to the dark, and that's when he saw her. She was on the ground, head thrashing slowly from side to side in pain.

She wasn't able to speak. Her gun was at her side, she'd tried to defend herself, she might've even got off a shot or two but they got her.

Heart pounding as he saw the blood, slowly oozing its way onto the ground underneath her. The helplessness in her eyes pierced him to his soul. And suddenly he remembered every smile, every smart remark, every kind word she'd ever said to him.

On his knees, her hand clutched tightly in his own, he uttered her name;

"Joss….."

He couldn't get anything else out, but her name.

"Joss…."

She was slipping away, blood coming from her mouth; the life was fading from her brown eyes.

"Joss, please…" he begged.

He pulled her up, to hold her in his arms, somehow willing her to be alright. Somehow believing, hoping, that if he wanted it badly enough, it would happen.

He felt her use the last of her strength to squeeze his hand, and she weakly called out his name.

"John….." It was almost as if she was seeing him for the first time.

She smiled then, almost in joy to be next to him, to see his eyes connect with hers, one last time.

And then her eyes closed.

She was gone.

No comfort would come. No joy would return. No balm could heal the wound that now tore at his heart.

No comfort could stop the sobs that racked his body or fill the emptiness that had quickly just crept in.


	2. Breathe

A/N So this is how I get myself into trouble. I create One Shots and then they develop a life of their own. lol...here is a continuation of my (more than 100 words) drabble. Hope you enjoy. I do not own Person of Interest or its characters.

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One, two, three. Breathe.

One, two, three. Breathe.

One, two, three. Breathe.

Over and over again he worked on her, trying to get her breathing again.

He couldn't let her go.

He wouldn't let her go.

"Come on, Joss. Breathe for me." One, two, three. Breathe. "Finch where are you?!"

"I'm here, John." He'd been working so feverishly on her; he hadn't heard the Town car pull up.

He wiped at the tears that stained his cheeks. He had been so focused on her; he had forgotten they'd fallen.

One, two, three. Breathe.

"Come on, Joss. Please…please, breathe for me."

He heard Finch's footsteps crossing the street, while he continued to work.

"John, she's…she's not…." he looked up at Finch sharply, his eyes forbidding him to complete his sentence.

Finch knew it was useless to argue with Reese when he had that look on his face. If he didn't want to give up on Joss, then the least he could do is try to get her some help.

"We need to get her to a hospital, if you want to save her." Finch helped to get her up and together, they put her in the back seat.

She laid flat, her head turned to the side, her body so still. It wasn't the best idea to perform CPR in a car, but he didn't want to wait till an ambulance arrived and he didn't want to wait till they got to the hospital.

One, two, three. Breathe.

One, two, three. Breathe.

"_**You ever think about moving on?"**_

"_**Like…..dating? Sure in my spare time, like when I'm not busy being a single mom or a homicide detective, or…..whatever this**_ _**is. What about you?"**_

He never got to answer her that night. And afterwards, the brief conversation had been pretty much put to the back of his mind.

But now…

Her words resonated loudly in his ears.

Yes. He did think of moving on. He'd thought about it from time to time. Since he'd met her he'd thought more about it in than he ever had since Jessica died.

Yes. He could see himself moving on.

But he wouldn't be able to move on now. He couldn't move on without her.

"Finch, please. How close are we?" He was impatient and he was desperate.

He felt himself losing hope with each passing minute.

One, two, three. Breathe.

Her eyes opened suddenly and she let out a gasp for air. Her pulse was weak, but she was awake.

He wiped at the tears that came from her eyes.

"It's okay. I'm here, Joss. I'm here." He said tightly grabbing her hand. She was disoriented, and he was worried, but he was glad at least that she was conscious.

Miraculously she stayed that way until they reached the hospital and she was taken away on a gurney.

"John….John….." He heard her weakly calling his name before they put an oxygen mask on her face. His eyes were locked on her until she disappeared into the emergency room.

He turned around and looked down at his hands. They were stained in her blood. He'd refused treatment from the nurses, telling them that he was okay. He looked at Finch who reached out to touch him on the shoulder.

He didn't have to say thank you, his eyes said enough.


	3. Moments

His coffee was cold and he grimaced as it went down.

He got up from the chair in the waiting lounge where he'd been posted since they first brought Joss in. His legs complained at the movement, he'd hardly gotten up except to get two cups of coffee, the last one that was now cold in his hand.

He watched nurses and doctors file into her room.

Officers came to check on her, Tierney, Olson, a few others he didn't recognize and Fusco.

Loud voices, questions asked, not many answers to give since there were no witnesses. There was a manhunt going on for the men, but there were no leads.

It didn't matter what they had or didn't have. If there was one thing he was sure of, it was that they would not be of this earth for much longer.

He waited.

While Joss' mother and Taylor came by, he waited. He heard their tears, concerned voices, and he waited.

The doctors continued to monitor her and so far she remained stable. Finch had left a few hours ago, but he couldn't leave. He had to be here.

And so he continued to wait.

The hospital was almost empty now. Late night staffers had started their shift about an hour ago. The two on this floor at the desk looked fresh out of nursing school. Wet behind the ears, but eager to do a good job. Joss' doctor was gone, confident that she would be fine under the supervision of the nurses.

He needed to see her. He couldn't wait any longer.

He walked into the men's restroom throwing his coffee down the drain and splashed some water over his face.

He was tired. And the lines by his eyes looked deeper than normal. He grabbed some hand towels from the dispenser and wiped at his face, taking a deep breath.

He walked out into the hallway again, seeing a nurse leave Joss' room. He waited until she disappeared down the hall and then he quietly went inside.

He thought he was ready. He really thought he was, but the sight of her lying in that bed, hit him like a punch to the gut.

Tears stung his eyes and he walked over to her sitting in the chair next to the bed.

"_**I'm Carter. You didn't give us a name."**_

"_**Thank you, for saving my life."**_

"_**I looked for a…..I'm sorry I got you shot card, but, they were all out."**_

"_**Good to know you keep your promises."**_

"_**Looks like you could use some help…come on...hold onto me…."**_

"_**Ever been in love?"**_

His mind replayed conversations, remembered looks, words she said.

Ever smile that crossed her lips.

So many moments. Sometimes sadly taken for granted. But they'd brought him here to a place he never in his wildest dreams thought he'd end up.

Needing her.

"Joss…." his voice was low, raspy, broken.

He reached over, gripping her hand. It was warm to the touch, and brought him a sense of comfort he hadn't felt since he'd found her on her back in the alley.

He sat there as the minutes rolled by. He was bent over her hand, cradling it against his face, while his head rested on the bed. Minutes turned into an hour and he started to feel fatigue setting in. He didn't want to leave her, but his body was begging for a few hours of rest.

He slowly rose from the chair, rubbing his eyes. He felt a slight tug on his hand just as he was about to let go and looked at her face to see her eyes were fluttering open.

"John…."


	4. Necessity

**A/N So far we've heard Reese's POV in this story. This chapter is told from Carter's POV. Enjoy.**

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There were voices. She heard voices.

Some were angry, others were sad. She even heard crying, tears. Was it a woman?

Or a man?

She couldn't tell. The sounds all bled into one in Joss' unconscious mind.

She felt as if she was floating, on a cloud somewhere in another world. Was she stuck in a dream, some fantasy? Was any of this real?

She remembered that John was there. His voice was frantic, urgent, he sounded worried.

He called her name as she lay in the alley. She looked up at him between gasping for air and puking up blood and she saw his eyes. They were wet with tears, misty, and he looked so desperate.

Why?

He'd held her hand so tightly, and she'd tried to squeeze back. She wondered if he felt the tiny bit of pressure on his hand, she struggled with her last bit of strength to hold onto him.

She thought of Taylor; her mom would take care of him. Maybe they'd be okay.

She worried.

But she looked up at John's face, and she saw something there she'd never seen before. He was so vulnerable, scared like she'd never seen him, she wanted to make him feel better.

So she tried to smile. She called his name. But the cold grabbed at her, pulled at her, dragged her under.

One, two, three. Breathe.

Over and over she heard it. Was it real?

One, two, three. Breathe.

Her eyes fluttered open, she heard his voice again. He seemed to care so much. The thought warmed her as she tried desperately to fill her lungs with air. She was scared, she felt cold. She managed to call his name again and he stayed with her. His hand on hers made her believe it would be okay.

The bright lights, the oxygen mask, there was the hurried movement of the nurses and doctors and then she remembered nothing else…except voices….

She heard conversations. She remembered situations, moments…

"_**You could always stop looking for me."**_

"_**Whether you like me or not, Joss…you're not alone."**_

"_**Your coffee's getting cold Detective."**_

"_**Told you I'd never let anything happen to your son."**_

"_**You're looking nicer, Carter…..he messes with you, he'll be hearing from me."**_

"_**I couldn't have gotten through this**_ _**without…a friend to talk to."**_

Fleeting moments…..seemed to mean so much right now.

Her eyes opened and the light was almost blinding. Her vision was hazy, the room was lit by a lamp by the bed, and she could hear the beeping of monitors in her ear.

She made out the outline of someone's head resting on the bed next to her. He was holding her hand. She slowly recognized the familiar head of short black hair sprinkled with gray at the temples. He had been with her all along. He hadn't noticed that she was up. And he stood up slowly she guessed to leave.

She didn't want him to go. She needed him to stay. She needed his strength right now. She needed _**him**_ right now.

She felt the tears sting her eyes, but she couldn't find her voice. She felt weak, exhausted, but she needed him to stay.

She took a deep breath and just as he was about to let her hand go, she managed to croak his name. It had taken so much of her strength and she was relieved when he turned around.

"I'm here Joss." he said and the sound of her name on his lips touched her so.

Tears started to fall from her eyes as he sat beside her again.

"I'm here."


	5. Phantom

"_**I'm here, Joss." **_

John had whispered those words to her, and for the rest of the night he had been.

He'd stayed and held her hand while they both took turns drifting in and out of sleep. He didn't leave until the hospital staff insisted he did.

But he returned, and wiped at her tears, held her hand, even planted a kiss to her temple. She swore she felt the softness of his lips touch her brow one night before she fell asleep.

He allowed himself to be vulnerable around her. The look in his eyes conveyed deep feelings, emotional ties, and a different side of him she'd never known. She'd come to need his visits, the sound of his voice, his hand squeezing hers tight. It made the hospital stay a little more bearable.

But a few short weeks later he'd disappeared and taken the affection he'd offered so freely with him.

Now there was no sound of his voice to calm her and she missed the touch of his fingers twined with hers.

His presence had done a lot to make her feel safe while she was in the hospital. Suddenly she developed this irrational fear that the men who shot her would return to finish the job. She did what she could around the house, still tried to help Taylor with his homework. She even managed to cook dinner once a week, but after he went to bed, she'd go in her room and wonder about John.

What was doing?

How was he doing?

Did he miss the simple things that had started to mean so much?

Did he miss being there when she woke at night?

Did he miss her as much as she missed him?

Her mind was filled with a million questions, but she knew the answer.

It was regret. He regretted the moments, the touches, the soft whispers.

He regretted being there, he regretted the fear he showed, he regretted the worry he felt. He regretted and hated that he showed how much he cared.

So now he would stay away and she'd have to get used to being nothing more than an asset again.

She'd heal, she'd get better and soon time would make her forget he ever showed how vulnerable he felt at almost losing her. And she'd forget her need for him.

"_**I'm here, Joss."**_ The simple declaration spoke volumes before. Now the words seemed hollow.

"No, John. You're not." She whispered to herself and shut the lamp off next to the bed. She settled into her pillow and tried to go to sleep.

She'd pretend there was a guard standing at her bed. He would watch over her, protect her, and keep her safe. A force to ward off the ghosts that tried to haunt her while she slept.


	6. Drowning

A/N This (more than 100 words) drabble is dedicated to one of my readers Destined627. She gave me a lot of inspiration for this chapter. Thanks for the great reviews and hope you enjoy this one.

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"Stay with me, John. Please. Don't go."

She was finally awake, she came back to him, and he did as she asked. His body's request for a soft mattress to lie on was ignored. Her doe eyes stared at him imploringly and he couldn't deny her anything. So he sat by her side in an armchair by her bed, holding her hand while she drifted in and out of sleep. He was so exhausted, that even he was able to get a few hours' rest.

For the entire duration of her hospital stay he was there, every night, to make sure she was okay, to make sure she felt safe. That's what he told himself. He couldn't admit that he _needed_ to be there. He needed to see her. Needed to be near her.

He couldn't admit that something new was swallowing him up, something oddly familiar that he swore never to feel again. And he was surprised that these feelings were mutual. His need fed hers, and on and on it went, in a circle. It became stronger every day and they each drew strength from the other.

He allowed himself a setback, a slip up, a mistake. She fell into slumber one night and he pressed a kiss to her temple on impulse. His lips rested there, near her brow and in that moment he felt different. He gazed at her, looking so restful in slumber with a smile on her face and seeing her at peace touched something inside him.

It was terrifying to feel this way. To want, to need, and feel it in return. He shouldn't have it. He didn't deserve it.

Did he?

And so he was running. Chest heaving, pulse racing, lungs burning. He was running.

He knew.

He was running from her. He was running from her smile. The twinkle in her eye. The look of anticipation on her face when he walked into the room.

It was a lie.

He was running from himself.

He was running from the sound of his name on her lips and the way his heart skipped when she said it.

He missed the touch of her skin, helping her sit up in bed in the hospital. He missed helping her to stand, to walk. He missed wiping the sweat from her brow whenever she struggled to do something without his help.

He missed the soft hint of jasmine in his nostrils. The adorable knot between her brows, a sign of her growing frustration. He missed the softness of her breathing as she slept. He missed who he became when he was around her, but still he was running.

Miles and miles he covered mentally, trying to push thoughts of her out of his mind.

By day he protected numbers, fired bullets, dealt blows and saved lives. He made sure every waking moment was filled with activity, so his thoughts could not drift to her.

He played often with Bear in the park, Frisbees, balls, whatever toys he could find. The dog loved the attention. Evenings were spent with Finch in the library, meetings with Fusco and he'd taken to spending more time in the bar a few blocks from his place.

A few beers would dull the ache a little.

He would go home and lock the door behind him. But no amount of distraction or alcohol could put distance between him and the memory of moments spent with her. They came at him like a tidal wave. He felt as if he was trying to outrun the sea.

But it was hopeless. The current of emotion that flowed had swelled, and was threatening to overcome him.

He would wake out of sleep and her name would be on his lips. Images of her in the alley plagued him; he hadn't gotten there in time.

Tonight was no different. He sat at the edge of his bed and reached for his cell phone. He dialed her number, but couldn't make himself hit 'send'.

He knew this couldn't go on forever. Soon she would want answers. But what could he say when he had no answers for himself?

How could he explain that he felt as if he were drowning?


	7. Two Shots

She wouldn't like this.

She wouldn't approve. He could hear her words in his head.

_**Don't do this John.**_ That's what she would say. And he'd do whatever she asked.

It had been easy to find the man who shot her. Footage from certain security cameras had provided information needed to track him down. He'd broken into his apartment and waited. And now he had him on his knees, begging for his life. But he ignored the pleas for mercy. The Glock was pressed close to the back of his head and Reese was ready to fire.

"I don't know you man. I don't know anything about that cop. It wasn't me; you got me confused with someone else." Excuses and lies permeated the air. "I didn't shoot anybody…..please."

He blocked out his voice. Blocked out the beads of sweat falling down his face. All he saw was Carter lying in the alley on her back, gasping for breath. Almost gone.

He'd almost lost her.

Tears stung his eyes at the thought and for a minute he hesitated.

She'd tell him how it would be better for him to be arrested, to stand trial, to go to prison. But in Reese's mind, that was too good for someone like him.

"Mr. Reese…..what are you doing?" Finch's voice momentarily distracted him. He touched his ear piece, speaking softly.

"Finch, I'm going to hang up and you are not going to try to reach me for the rest of the night. Do you understand? I have something to take care of."

"That's what I'm afraid of, John. Think about what you're doing." Finch cautioned.

He was done thinking. He was done with reasoning. His mind was focused and made up. The only person, who could change it, wasn't here.

He disconnected the call and his face turned to stone. His lips thinned out and his eyes darkened.

He fired two shots and left the room before the body hit the floor.

Two shots to the head, for the two she took in the chest.

It was done, over with, already forgotten and he had a compelling urge to see her. He passed by her apartment and stood at his usual spot so he could watch her from afar.

She was in the kitchen standing in front of the stove. She was wearing a silk kimono over pajamas and fluffy bedroom slippers were on her feet. He chuckled at them remembering a story she told him of where they came from. Her hair was hanging loose on her shoulders. And he thought she looked absolutely adorable.

She'd just put some water on to boil. It looked like she was making tea, maybe hot chocolate. He watched her search for something in the lower cupboards but not finding it. Then she looked up at the top cupboards and he shook his head hoping she didn't try to reach up on her own.

"Don't do it, Joss." He said aloud, knowing she couldn't hear him. Her doctor had told her not to raise her arms over her head to reach for anything too high, not for a few weeks following her hospital stay, but he knew she was stubborn; he wouldn't put it past her to do it anyway.

She proved him right, opening the cupboard door and she poked around a bit before he saw her flinch a little and she pulled her arms down, temporarily leaning on the counter with a hand to her chest.

"Damn it, Joss." he said wanting to go to her right now.

He watched as Taylor came into the kitchen, and she straightened up quickly so he wouldn't see her in pain. She said something to him and a few seconds later he reached up and got the tin of hot chocolate she was looking for.

He gave her shoulder a squeeze before leaving the kitchen and she smiled.

When he left, he watched as her head bowed and she closed her eyes. He lowered his binoculars and walked away. But not before seeing silent tears run down her cheeks.

He felt her pain. He felt her loss. But he also felt shame at the fact that he felt too weak and too afraid to go to her.


	8. Back To Business

"Good to see you back on your feet, Detective." Finch's smile was genuine as he greeted her. She walked slowly toward him and smiled in return.

"Not quite. They've got me on desk duty, but I'm making the most of it. I trust Fusco has been keeping you and your friend on your toes in my absence." She joked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, he's been a tremendous help."

"Friends certainly are good to have around when you need them, aren't they?" She said more bitterly than she intended. She handed him a file. "Here's a copy of the information you requested. Hope it's helpful." She started to turn away when Finch touched her arm.

She looked up at him and noticed his face soften.

"Joss, we really were worried about you. I'm glad to see you've pulled through. I know we never say it, but…..I'm sure you must know what you mean to us." She tilted her head to the side, looking at him. She appreciated his words, she truly did.

Truth be told, they could have let her die there on the pavement, but they did whatever they could to get her help, to make sure she hadn't died. She was inclined to believe him. But she was surprised at how raw she still felt at John's sudden disappearance. She still wasn't over it.

She managed to smile at Finch before she left. "Thank you Finch."

He nodded and she started to walk away, just in time to see John heading in their direction. The small misstep in his stride gave away the fact that he was just as surprised to see her as she was to see him.

She flashed back to the last time she saw him….he had brought her home from the hospital and helped her to her room.

"_**Hold onto me." He said putting an arm around her waist and insisted she put her hand up on his shoulder.**_

"_**Really, John, I didn't get shot in the legs or worse the kneecaps. I can walk just fine." She protested, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. No matter the pretense, she truly loved the attention he was giving her. She was growing accustomed to it, actually.**_

"_**I'd feel much better if you let me help you." He'd slowly eased her next to the bed and took off her coat before setting her down. He took off her shoes and tucked her under the covers.**_

"_**Thank you, John." She said, knowing he was about to leave and had only come to make sure she got home safe. She smiled up at him feeling tired and looking forward to a long nap. She was taken aback**_ _**at the look in his eyes**_. _**There was something there**_ _**she couldn't describe.**_ _**She'd never seen it on his face before. But she felt it. She felt it strongly and just then he bent down to kiss her. His lips were so tender and his eyes showed such vulnerability. Her hand was on his face and he squeezed it. But then she saw a brief glimpse of panic in his eyes, right before he left her apartment. That was the last she saw of him, until now.**_

Her heart skipped a beat, but she refused to let him see the effect he was having on her.

"Carter…." He said and stood beside her. She however, kept walking.

"John." She said his name in greeting and was determined to leave without saying another word.

"Carter, wait."

"What's up?" She said keeping her tone indifferent.

"You're back at work."

"Yeah, about a week now."

"And you're well enough to be back?"

"As you can see." She said and nodded her head. She started to walk away again feeling proud of herself for having kept it together for that brief moment. But he was pulling on her arm. "What is it, John?"

He looked at a loss for words and she hoped he wouldn't give her some convoluted reason for just bailing on her without a word. The last thing she wanted was him to appease her. The last thing she wanted was his pity.

"About…..what happened…..between me and you…."

"It's alright really." She interrupted.

"No it's not. I just…"

"You did what you had to do to make sure your asset was fine and on the mend, is that it?" She promised herself she wouldn't be bitter, but she was failing. And she felt so caught up just being near him, she had to leave before she fell apart. "Listen John, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not talk about it. Let's just pretend none of it ever happened. That's what you really want to say isn't it? Thanks for saving my life. I owe you one."

She knew he wanted to say more, but she couldn't let herself listen. She didn't trust herself when it came to him. She had a tendency to believe whatever came out of his mouth. If he said he was sorry again, she might even believe him. And she couldn't take his word or actions as truth right now.

She had done just that weeks ago and look where it got her.


	9. Jump

A/N Another glimpse into Reese's mind and how he's dealing with his self imposed separation from Carter.

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"Honey, are you okay?" Reese gave the barmaid an icy stare as he downed the rest of his beer. Her eyes flicked between the dried blood on his right hand and on his left eyebrow. He guessed he must have been a sight to behold, but truly he hadn't felt the pain at all. He was numb to it. The scuffle had been brief and compared to what the other guy looked like, his face was as beautiful as a renaissance portrait.

He'd walked into the nearest bar afterwards and ordered a beer. Five empty glasses later and he couldn't even remember what the altercation was about. But it had felt good to land his fist against the guy's jaw a few times. He'd felt a momentary high, a relief at the end of it.

But it didn't last. When he first sat on the bar stool he felt lost, anxious, alone.

"I'm fine. Another please." He said and she came back seconds later with a fresh glass.

The alcohol had dulled his senses a bit, but not his thoughts. No matter what he tried, he couldn't get her face out of his mind.

It was breezy that day, not cold, but she wore a jacket over her usual dark pants and dark shirt. Her hair was loose on her shoulders, just the way he liked it, and her lips were a nice shade of neutral pink. A shade that said she was all business, but also said she was feminine at the same time.

He hadn't expected to see her there with Finch. He'd hoped to arrive after she was gone, and the sight of her ignited something inside him. He wanted to pull her close right there and then. But he knew he couldn't.

Her tone was biting. She wasn't just angry, she was hurt. Hurt and disappointed…in him.

"_**You did what you had to do to make sure your asset was fine and on the mend, is that it?" **_

Did she really think she was just an asset to him? If she did, she couldn't be more wrong. She stopped being an asset ages ago. She was so much more. He had to admit his behaviour spoke to the contrary.

He'd been such a bastard. He couldn't really blame her for thinking it.

He looked abruptly to his right as a young girl sat next to him, gazing at him appreciatively. Her blonde hair flowed straight down her back in curly waves, her face was perfectly made up and her dressed accentuated every curve on her body. Clearly she knew she was attractive, she was probably used to turning heads. But all he could see before him was the image of brown doe eyes staring into his, full lips waiting to be sucked on and bitten and black hair like coal that he would love to run his fingers through.

"Well hello there, handsome." She said and ordered a drink. "Haven't seen you here before."

He offered her a smile but he wasn't in the mood.

"I'm Amber." She said sipping on her drink. "What's your name?"

"John." He said curtly, but she didn't notice. She started chatting incessantly but he didn't hear a word she said. It wasn't until he felt her hand on his thigh that he looked in her direction again.

"Well John, this place is kinda slow on Tuesday nights. I think I'll head home. You wanna join me?" Her hand travelled higher on his leg and he grabbed it, quickly removing it.

"Or not?" She said, not offended in the least.

"Excuse me." He walked over to the barmaid, paid for his tab and left.

He breathed in the night air as he got outside and walked aimlessly, not yet ready to go home. On and on he walked, until he looked around realizing that he was in front of her place. The whole place was dark and he wondered if she was at home.

He found himself doing what he normally did; dialing her number…would he go through with it this time and let it ring?


	10. The Deep End

A/N Carter and Reese finally have a conversation. Will it be what he expected? I do not own Person of Interest or any of its characters.

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Another sleepless night.

She'd been having them for the past three weeks and they continued after she'd gone back to work.

The counselor they made her see at work said that it was normal for her to experience insomnia after her shooting. Victims often reported either bouts of sleeplessness or very graphic nightmares, but they eventually went away. Carter couldn't decide which could be worse. The thoughts she had while she was awake at night were pretty frightening on their own. She saw herself in the alley on her back over and over again, bleeding out, gasping for air, thinking she was dead. She wished she could escape them. She thought about taking something to put her to sleep, but decided against it. She was always wary of sleep aids. She didn't want to end up being dependant on them. She figured if she could just get her mind to be still, to stop thinking, she'd drift off right away.

But saying that and doing that were two different things altogether.

Today, Fusco had told her that the suspect in her shooting was found dead in his apartment with two bullets to the back of his head. There were no leads on who did it and no witnesses. The building where he lived had no security cameras either, so unless the guilty party came forward to confess to the murder, this one was most likely going to be an unsolved case. She wasn't completely convinced his death was random. In fact she had a nagging feeling that a certain person might have been involved in it, though she didn't want to entertain the idea at all.

She sat up in bed, throwing the covers off of her and got up, heading to the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator, staring inside for a few minutes, then closed it again. There were leftovers from dinner earlier but food was definitely not what she wanted. She leaned on the kitchen counter, looking around aimlessly at the wall, the ceiling; the magnets stuck to the fridge and let out a frustrated sigh.

Finally her eyes settled on a bottle of red wine. She got a glass from the cupboard and watched the dark liquid swirl around it as she poured. She went into the living room and sat on the couch. She turned the TV on and flicked through the channels. Countless infomercials were playing, mostly weight loss stuff, exercise machines and some new magic bra that was invented. She got a chuckle outta that one. She found a movie that was coming on that she'd wanted to watch for a while. She curled her feet underneath her and waited while the opening credits scrolled across the screen.

The shrill of her cell phone interrupted her and she looked at the clock on the wall noticing the time. It was a little after 1am and the caller ID said it was an _**unknown number**_. She shook her head knowing it could only be one of two persons calling her.

"Carter." She said softly. She waited a few seconds and there was no response. She could hear traffic in the background, the sound of steady breathing, but otherwise….nothing.

"Hello?" She said.

"Have you ever had croquillant before?" She recognized Reese's voice. He answered almost as if her voice jarred him out of a daze. She wasn't prepared to talk to him right now. She didn't know if she could.

"What?" She asked confused.

"Croquillant." He repeated. "It's a pastry. Finch loves 'em. But they're just a fancy way of saying doughnut holes." He laughed at his explanation and she noticed his speech was somewhat slow.

"John, are you drunk?"

"He likes to have them with his tea in the mornings, sometimes." He ignored her question. Or maybe he hadn't heard it. "And not just any tea. It has to be Sencha green tea."

He _**was**_ drunk, she thought. Knowing he had to be drunk to finally call her after all the time that had passed caused her to get a little misty eyed.

"What do you want, John?"

He was silent again as if he wasn't sure of the answer right now. "I just want to talk to you. Please. I miss…"

She didn't want him to say it. She'd been doing her best to get past it, and now he wanted to reopen a wound that was on its way to being healed as best as it could be.

"John….I don't think there's anything left to say."

"There's so much left to say, Joss. There's something you need to know." Carter wasn't sure but his words seemed desperate. She didn't quite know what to make of it.

"Like what?" She asked quietly.

"You're not just an asset. Not to me. You hear me, Joss?" his voice broke on the last sentence when he called her name. "You're _not_ _just_ an asset. You're so much more than that."

There was so much conviction in his voice just then, she thought he sounded so sincere, but what else was she supposed to think when he literally ran away from her when it seemed like they were getting closer?

"How can I believe you?" She said shakily. "You left me when I needed you the most, when things were the hardest. You left and you didn't look back."

She felt her eyes well up with tears, but she willed herself not to cry with him on the phone. They were both silent for a while and she stared at the wine glass on the coffee table, the TV remote, everything seemed surreal in this moment.

"I was a coward, Joss. I kissed you….and….suddenly…it was… real and….everything I care about, I lose. I didn't know how much it would hurt…."

"How could you not know that it would hurt me?"

"No I…I didn't know how much it would hurt _**me**_."

He was scared. He was scared to get close. It hit her, hard, just then. He was probably thinking about how things ended with Jessica all over again. And he got scared.

But what would happen next? That was the big question. Could they go back to being just friends? She wasn't sure that was possible right now.

"I understand, John. Really I do, now.."

"I need to see you."

"I'm already dressed for bed."

"You don't have to go anywhere, just open your door. I'm outside."

He was outside her door? She walked over to the door and looked through the peephole. Lo and behold, there he was leaning against her door post. Despite what he'd said tonight, she still had mixed feelings about letting him in.

"Joss, please."

She unlocked the deadbolt and swung the door open wide. He stood tall in the doorway, towering over her. In the dim light he looked exhausted and worn out, yet he managed a smile.

"Hi." He said.

"Hi." She replied.


	11. In Time

A/N Carter invites Reese to come inside. She has to make the decision whether or not she can trust him again. Thanks for the wonderful reviews. Hope you enjoy this one!

* * *

"Come in." she said and locked the door behind him. She cut on the light in the hallway and was about to take his coat when she noticed his bloody face.

"What the hell happened to you?" She touched his brow lightly, but he didn't even wince. "What happened, John?"

"I got into a little scuffle, it's nothing." He said grabbing her hand, holding onto it. He ran his thumb over her palm slowly, and she yanked her hand away.

"I'll get something to clean you up. I'll be right back."

"Thank you." he said as she went into the bathroom and came back a few moments later with a first aid kit. He took his coat off, resting it on an armchair and sat on the couch.

"Where's Taylor?" He asked.

"He's at my mom's for the weekend." She replied absently.

He sat perfectly still as she cleaned his cut and applied a tiny thin band aid over it. She also tended to his hand where he'd scraped it and then put the kit away. She was very aware of him as she stood so close to him after all this time.

She turned round to find him staring at her, so intently, so piercingly, so tenderly. She almost wanted to cry thinking of the last time he was here, when he was the one taking care of her. He had the same look in his eyes back then too, and she thought things couldn't get more perfect than they were at that moment. But he ended up disappointing her, hurting her so much.

She was angry. Angry that it had taken him this long to show up, to finally talk to her about how badly he treated her.

"I'm sorry." His words were a little more than a whisper, but the weight of them hung in the air between them. "I'm so sorry, Joss, for treating you the way I did." She saw the tears come to his eyes and she didn't want to look at him anymore. How dare he pick right now to show how vulnerable he was again?

"I don't even want to hear this John." She said walking away from the couch.

"Please, just listen to…."

"No. I won't listen to you make excuses for yourself. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me? I sat here day after day waiting for you to come back, to say something, to explain to me just why you abandoned me. Because that's how I felt, as if you abandoned me. I felt like you realized you made a huge mistake and you didn't care at all. I felt like I meant nothing to you. Like it was all an act. Every kindness you ever showed me felt fake, felt like a lie."

"It wasn't…."

"I felt like I was….discarded….forgotten and useless to you."

"I never forgot you. I never stopped thinking about you."

"How could you do it?!"

"I was scared….."

"Of what?"

"Of needing you." He got up off the couch and stood directly in front of her. The emotion on his face was so raw and so real, she was stunned by it. "I didn't know how much I needed you until… I was…too late, until I saw you on the ground, in the alley about to die. I was so scared, I couldn't breathe!"

He put a hand on her face but she went to turn away. "Please…." He pleaded. "I didn't know how much I needed you….and it….it scares me…so much." He closed his eyes then and bent his forehead down to touch hers. She felt his other hand around her waist pulling her closer. She tried to fight, she strained to get out of his grasp, but he wouldn't let her go.

"You're drunk." She protested.

"No I'm not. I mean every word I've said." His lips brushed against hers softly, kissing her, tenderly. But still she wasn't convinced.

"Liar." She whispered with his lips still close to her own. "You'll regret everything you said tomorrow and you'll be gone. Again."

"You're wrong."

"I don't believe you."

"Let me prove it to you."

She searched his eyes looking for the tiniest hint of deceit and she found none there. "How?"

"Tonight, we'll fall asleep together, and tomorrow you'll wake up in my arms. I won't leave you, not this time. Not anymore. Let me stay, Joss."

"I can't."

"Let me stay, Joss. Let me stay."

He was holding her so close, his face so close to hers. She couldn't think straight. All she could think about was how good it felt to have him hold her again. She hated herself for being so weak. She hated herself for wanting him to stay. She couldn't trust him, that's what she screamed at herself. She shouldn't trust him. But God help her, she wanted to.

She closed her eyes, as two tears slid down her face and she nodded her head. He let out a sigh of relief and took her hand leading her into the bedroom. They stood at the edge of the bed, and he took her hands putting them on his chest. She slowly undid the buttons of his shirt as he looked down at her. Her hands fumbled and she took a long time, but he waited patiently while she took his shirt off.

She moved the fabric over his shoulders and arms and gently put it over the arm chair in the room. Her hands moved over his belt and she unbuckled it, pulling it from around his waist. He didn't utter a word as his pants dropped to the floor, he only stepped out of them, and they joined his shirt on the chair. His socks followed as did his undershirt, until he was in nothing except his boxer briefs.

He brought her hands to his chest again, wanting to feel her touch on his skin. Carter felt the warmth of his skin, his heartbeat, as his hand covered hers.

Her breath caught in her throat and she realized she was scared too.

He drew her head up with his thumb under her chin. "We're going to be okay." She heard him say right before he kissed her again. His lips were so soft as they touched hers again. Yet they were passionate and hungry as if he'd waited forever to kiss her. She heard a soft rumble in his throat as his tongue briefly touched hers. She was caught up in a euphoria she couldn't describe.

They got into the bed and he pulled her close, drawing the covers over them. "Go to sleep." He whispered. "I'll be here in the morning. I promise." She kissed him again, his lips and his cheeks, his eyes. His hands trailed over her back and she moaned, hardly believing he was really there.

She fell asleep snuggled against his chest, his arms holding her tight. The even sound of his breathing was the last thing she heard before she drifted off. It was the soundest sleep she'd had in a long while.


	12. Silent Morning

A/N This chapter basically covers some slight introspection by Reese during most of it with some Carter sprinkled in at the end. I do not own Person of Interest or any of its amazing characters. Enjoy

* * *

He never needed an alarm clock. His body just instinctively woke him up at 5:30am every day. He may not have gotten out of bed right away; he may even have gone back to sleep, but every morning he woke up at 5:30am.

When he woke up this morning, it was to the sound of quiet, steady breathing in his ears. He opened his eyes, and the room was still dark with just a hint of light coming through the window. He looked down to see Joss lying peacefully in his arms. Her chest rising and falling slowly. Her eyelashes fanning across her cheeks. Her fist tucked under her chin.

He had promised her that she would wake up next to him in the morning. And he surprised himself by keeping that promise. He was still terrified. Terrified that he would somehow mess things up, that he would somehow only end up hurting her, that he wouldn't be good enough. He still thought all of those things, but the need to be near her right now was so much greater than those fears.

He couldn't make himself leave. Not now, not even if he wanted to. He knew that she trusted him to keep his word. She'd fallen asleep believing that she could finally trust him and he didn't want to be a bastard and break her heart again. She'd never forgive him.

Besides, she felt good in his arms right now. She felt good against him. She lay in the crook of his arms, her back to his chest, his leg cradled between hers; they fit perfectly together like two pieces of a puzzle.

He looked at her while she slept. She seemed so peaceful. So comfortable. So beautiful. Her full lips, the curve of her mouth, so inviting. He stared at the apples of her cheeks, her doe eyes and her beautiful smooth skin.

What had he done to deserve her affection? What had he done to make her care so much about him?

He knew why he'd been drawn to her from the beginning. She looked past the dirty homeless guy and she reached out to the lost man underneath. She hadn't judged him based on what he looked like, but she was the first person in a long time that saw him as a man.

Of course he'd spent the better part of a few months running away from her. But he still managed to stay in her orbit. And after they started working together, he grew to care about her. She'd become a trusted friend. She meant a lot to him. It wasn't until he was faced with almost losing her that he realized just how much.

He hadn't dared think it. But the moment he brought her home from the hospital and helped her into her room, he finally did. His lips touched hers and he realized, he was in love with her. It had literally terrified him so much that he had to run away.

After Jessica, he didn't feel as if he deserved love. Not anymore. He and Finch had reluctantly become friends over time. He was finally warming up to Fusco, but Carter? To him she was perfect. She was too good. She was unattainable as anything more than a friend.

She was too good of a person, she was pure, unsullied by the things he had seen and done.

How could it be that her opinion of him had seemed to change for the better after she found out about New Rochelle? She seemed to empathize with him even more. How could he possibly deserve that?

She represented a light, and the darkness inside him was afraid for the light to shine on him. He wasn't good enough. Or so he thought.

But here she was, and she wanted to prove him wrong. She'd seen him for what he used to be, for what he was, and she still thought that he was beautiful.

He didn't think that he deserved it, but he was grateful nonetheless.

He ran his hand along the outline of her thighs, over her hips and across her stomach. He pressed his lips to the back of her ear.

He wanted her. He had wanted her last night. And he thought her undressing him before they got into bed, was the sweetest, gentlest thing she could have done. It was also the sexiest. He wanted nothing more than to take her just then. But he knew he couldn't.

Things were shaky. It was his fault that things were shaky. And he couldn't try to make love to her after walking out of her life so suddenly. It wouldn't be right; it wouldn't be fair to her. She was too vulnerable. And if he hadn't the courage to stay till morning, it would devastate her in a way she'd never recover from.

He needed her to trust him again. He needed her to believe in him again. Like she did before. Besides, she thought he was drunk and he knew any attempt to be with her last night would have been met with protests.

He ran his finger along the tip of her nose and she stirred. His hands ran over her thighs again and she finally woke up. She groaned a little as he buried his face in her neck and he saw her smile as she turned and looked up at him.

It warmed his heart and she snuggled closer to him, her face in his chest.

"You stayed." She said quietly and put her arms around him. He hugged her back and his fingers touched the nape of her neck. He pulled at the strands of her hair there.

"I promised you I would." He replied simply. "I'm here for as long as you want."

He felt content laying there with her and she curled up in his arms.

She looked at him in the soft morning light; almost as if she couldn't believe he was there. There was so much emotion on her face, she seemed to want to say so much but she looked as if she didn't know where to begin.

She opened her mouth to speak, but she closed it again, shaking her head. He wondered at what she wanted to say, but she moved closer to him, putting her hand on his face and simply pressed her lips softly against his.

She wanted him. It was in her eyes, it was in the soft way she touched his chest just then. It was in the way she pressed her body against his. She wanted him. she wanted to take the next step with him. but he could also see how scared she was. Being with him could change everything. hopefully it could change things for the better.

His hopes and fears were mirrored in her eyes. he could't help but smile a little as he cupped the back of her neck and pulled her close.

* * *

A/N Left on a cliff hanger I know. But the next chapter will be worth it. Thanks for following the story! Love all your great reviews.


	13. River

_See maybe I'm too quiet for you_

_You probably never noticed me_

_But if you're too big to follow rivers_

_How you ever gonna find the sea?_

_- River, Emeli Sande_

* * *

Her kiss had been worth staying for, Reese thought as he felt her lips move over his. He felt her tongue slide over his, her teeth nip at his mouth and wondered how he had fought this for so long.

Her hands over him, her skin against his, it had all been worth it. The sun's rays illuminated the room and her body glistened next to his. He felt like the luckiest man on earth.

She hovered atop him, stripped of her clothing and he took in the sight of her. She was beautiful from head to toe and she sat atop him like a queen on her throne.

The kisses she pressed to his neck, his chest, and his stomach drove him wild with longing. She held his arms over his head as she laved his nipple with her tongue, commanding him to be still. He couldn't move. He didn't want to. He was trapped willingly by desire, unable to escape from the spell she cast over him.

He was hers.

When she finally slid on top of him, they'd both been overcome with aching for each other. Once inside her, he felt a passion unlike anything he'd felt before. He felt connected to her, joined to her, linked in a way he couldn't describe.

She was his.

He saw it in her eyes. He felt it in the way she rode him, the look on her face and the way she threw her head back in pleasure and the way she bit her lip when she moaned. She'd wanted him all along.

She whispered his name, grabbed at his skin, and he felt her taking in every bit of him. She felt so good and every stroke was better than the previous one. Each one was deeper, stronger and more filling.

His fingers bore into her hips and he pushed up further into her as she moved, making her scream out. His hand went around her neck pulling her down towards his chest and he put his arms around her, rolling over till she was underneath him. He pounded into her and raised her legs high over his back, with his face buried in her neck.

When they came it felt almost like an explosion. It was hard and intense and filled with the release of everything they had held onto for so long.

She was precious in his arms, he thought as he kissed her hard. So precious and so beautiful. Strong, feminine and soft all at the same time. He held her long afterwards, touching every inch of her, never wanting to let her go.

He was hers.

She was his.

They belonged to each other now.

* * *

Sorry this update took so long. It's short, (and it keeps with the 'drabble' theme of this fic) but I hope it conveys the intimacy and closeness of these two after Joss realizes he stayed as promised. Hope you enjoyed it.


	14. To The Sea

_See I can make the load much lighter_

_I just need you to confide in me_

_But if you're too proud to follow rivers_

_How you ever gonna find the sea?_

_- River. Emeli Sande_

* * *

He stayed.

She'd woken up in his arms, with his hand on her thigh and the smile that was on her lips came from her heart.

He stayed. Just as he promised he would.

She had been afraid she would wake up alone, with nothing but cold sheets beside her, but she decided to trust him as her body succumbed to sleep.

And he was still here.

She loved his hands on her, his gentle kiss behind her ear. And as his hands travelled over her slowly she knew she wanted him. And so she took him. Every kiss over his skin had been a claiming, every touch denoted ownership.

She was making him hers, touching him in a way so he could never leave.

It had felt good to be with him. It had felt good to have him inside her. It had been so long since she had connected with a man so intensely like this and she hoped nothing would change what they had started today.

Hours later he was still here. Day had turned into night and they had kept the rest of the world out. They allowed nothing to intrude on them. They spent hours talking, laughing, making love, eating and trading stories and she felt like she knew him better than she had before.

How was that possible?

She didn't know how, but she only knew that it was.

They sat on the couch with her legs thrown over his lap. They were still in their underwear and she loved the fact that she could touch him whenever she wanted. The mostly reserved and serious man in a suit was now putty in her hands, so pliable and ready to give her whatever she wanted.

All she wanted right now was him, and the gentle way he touched her and kissed her.

She watched his face turn pensive and he gazed down at the scars on her chest before running his finger across them.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I was too late." He said and his eyes filled with tears.

"You weren't, John. You saved me. You didn't give up on me. In fact I think you willed me back to life in that alley."

He laughed and grabbed onto her hand. "I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you."

He brought her hand to his mouth kissing it tenderly.

"I'm glad that you don't have to worry about that anymore." She replied and ran her hand over his head before resting it on the back of his neck. "And I'm glad Taylor doesn't have to live without both his parents."

"You know Finch and I would've taken care of him. Without a doubt he'd never want for anything, Joss."

"Thank you." she said and he pulled her onto his lap, pulling her closer to him. "I wonder who would've taken care of you."

"Let's hope we never have to find that out." He said and his lips claimed hers again, slowly, expertly, not allowing breath to pass between them. He was so demanding and he took her right there on the couch.

Later he asked to take her out and he took her back to his place to get dressed and they ended up having dinner at a cozy restaurant in Manhattan. He ordered them some champagne, he ordered their meal and they ate dessert while she playfully ran her foot up and down his legs and thigh under the table. She loved watching him squirm as her toes found their way between his legs and he started to harden. She watched as he fisted his hands on the table and muttered what he would do to her as payback later on. She made him promise to go through with it.

They walked downtown in Times Square afterwards and she loved his arm around her as they strode slowly together.

This was bliss.

This was what happiness felt like and he was determined to give it to her now.

They sat opposite each other again at Paley Park at the end of the evening, eating ice cream. They watched the waterfall and the sound of it was calming. The lights behind it illuminated the intimate space and cast a light glow over them.

"I'm sorry I hurt you Joss." She heard him whisper. She guessed he needed to say it, to make it up to her somehow. It was good to hear the words.

"I understand your fear. This, you and me, it changes a lot. And I can understand you not knowing how to deal with all of it. But we'll do it together."

"What have I done to deserve you?" He asked quietly and she shook her head at the question.

"You've done so much John." She reached over holding his hand and he squeezed it.

"I love you."

* * *

Dun dun dun...cliffhanger!


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